Realization. 

 First sorry  for the delay. 

   From what I see, I am nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing has happened to me my whole life that hasn’t happened to nearly everybody else on this planet including self realization. 

   When people hear the word realization maybe it haunts up images and thoughts of some Sadhu in Himalayan cave. I don’t want to talk about something that is not in our experience, because the moment I start talking about it, we all will lose grasp over reality. If you start believing realities that is not yet in your experience, I guess we’ll sure to lose our grip in the reality we are in. 

   Google states realization as-“an act of becoming fully aware of something as a fact”

   But in reality it seems like its a half hearted definition. Realization is like thoughts. It comes to your conscience at any random period of time except for the exact time you require it. Sad but true. 

   Realization can come into one’s compunction only in two possible ways. One when you are done being aware of the given fact. And other is before being aware of the given fact. I know every single of you have a clear idea of what I am talking about.

  One – It is when you realize something a bit earlier and try to prepare yourself. You think you are aware enough, to take required actions but its totally opposite, the more you think that you know about something , the less you actually aware about it. 

   In my case, after my sister’s marriage the financial condition in my house was pretty tight. And after my 12th grade I wanted to pursue my further education in Hotel Management. And the college fees was nearly 5.lakhs  and I realized my family cannot afford it at that time. So I decided to take a year break after my 12th grade. And I convinced my parents that I am going to take a break but never told the real reason about it. 

   And I thought I had a idea about the consequences of it, but I didn’t. Later I got taunts and poked by my friends and family about it Few of my friends supported me, my brother was bit mad at me but I guess he understood it. I didn’t want this be known to many people. I thought I did the best thing possible to do at that point, but things don’t happen the way you want 

    Second – Every one has those moments where  he is a bit late in realizing it. And regret it and then frustration. Knowing that you are better than this and If you would have pushed yourself a bit harder, things could have been different. And if it’s a situation regarding some of that major and important things in your life that you didn’t want to get spoiled and it turns out exactly opposite then for some time say hello to your new friends “regret” and “guilt”. 

   Yeah I regret it. Why did I took a break . Was it really necessary. Was a year of waiting worth it. I should have gone with the flow. But my intuition regarding the decision of was not good enough. But after  all settled down I convinced myself that I was right,but I knew i wasn’t. But I try to  live with it and there’s nothing I can do for it now. 

   This is for someone specific. Egoistic people are the like arc enemy of realization. At a point of time people neglect everyone others and shows some symptoms of narcissism and if try to correct them they think you are looking down on them. Even if they are  bought to awareness about something as a fact then they just don’t look at it then.  So it’s better to let them be on their own. You can just watch them get drown in the swamp  of their own ego or if they are lucky enough and i mean really lucky  and realize the hectic situation caused by them  directly or indirectly and try to redeem it, things can be better for all persons around them. 

   Life is basket full of dreams, expectations, opportunities and realization is your tool to pick only that things that you can afford.Life revolves around the nostalgic past and the curious future. And you have to realize which part you want to continue , regret in the dwelling past or be overwhelmed by the crazy future. 

    Not every day is a good day, live anyway. Not all you love will love you back, love anyway. Not all will tell you the truth you, trust anyway. Not all you realized  is true but realize this every day. 

     Man has a possibility of existence after death. But possibility  is one thing and the realization of possibility is quite a different thing. 

                                      – Francis Bret Harte. 

Friends : 1

Friends : 1

    I was never lionized amongst my friends, but yes I was indeed a good and ideal friend.

When I define the word friend I get things like:

    Someone you like, Someone who makes you laugh, Someone who’s always there for you, Someone who knows the worst of you and still loves you, Someone you trust,

Those all sound warm-and-fuzzy, but none of those are a definition.
There were many types of friends in my small life. Let’s say many kinds of friends.
The one you don’t see often but are like best friends. They are the best ones to have. Not talking about every single person you know you see after a long time. The archaic friends with whom you made some golden memories in your life. Everyone has such friends in their life.
And the other one are of very fascinating type. The one you meet everyday. Now these are the most peculiar one. They are like drugs to you, in spite of knowing that drugs are tend to harm  you, to hurt you,  you still get pulled towards it, similarly  happens with them. You know they can be a little irrelevant, irritating,  and even in between they make you indignant , nevertheless you are still with them. They become a part of your daily routine that you can’t miss.
In my case, there is a guy let’s just say his name is bunny he used to be my best friend,that’s  what it is called I guess. Now we don’t talk, we had a fight and we we ended our friendship in good terms cause,  we knew each since childhood and we both had a same group of friends and because of that  we didn’t wanted to create a mess in our friends circle. We don’t go along together, we don’t talk, but yet we see have to face each other every day, try to work some things out indirectly together. And it becomes awkward for both of us.
Sometimes a new friendship holds so much promise that we overlook or dismiss subtle signs that there may be problems down the road.
After a certain age, friends tend to take a back seat while other relationships become important in our life.,
My need for friendship was never too much but the moment I formed a friendship, I always thought it was for good and in every way absolute. I’ve found good friends here and there, but even for them, as life situations change, their needs and their focus on the friendship changes. For me it never changes.

I wouldn’t say it is heartbreaking, but definitely it is disappointing that most people cannot form deep relationships in their lives. They can form relationships only according to their needs; they cannot form relationships beyond their needs. A relationship just for the sake of relationship, that is not there in most people. They form a relationship when they need it; when they don’t need it, they break it

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Martin Luther King

Expectations 

Okay,  I  am going  to be twenty years old  now.  I don’t expect much from myself, nether expect others to expect much from me. 

     I think expectations is parallel to our very own life. Once you are born people start expecting from you. When you are a kid you are expected to learn to walk, then learn to talk, then go to school, and from this point of life expectations start taking a high way. Then the rest you know I guess, As a Indian boy or girl, or any other , what is expected from you. You study hard, go to nice university, get a Diploma or Graduation, get a job, work hard, earn hard work then marry and after that life pushes you in a stream of water where there is no stopping till the end. And the end is death. Expectations go hand in hand with life. That’s how life is.

     When me and my brother were kids, we were the only two kids in our entire  family. And my  father’s younger siblings i.e. my uncle’s and aunt were very well educated. The youngest uncle was a computer engineer, the other was a Orthopedic doctor and even my aunt was a doctor. So everyone thought we would be their successor. And their expectations started growing and over the period of time it shattered like a broken glass. Even we didn’t think things were gonna take such a turn. It never worked out as they thought. 

     Same like everyone even I had some expectations, which were never meant to fulfill as I thought. 

     We say we can live better if we rule out expectations from life. But is this true? Well without expecting good and positive how will I be able to work for progress… I work for improvement, because I expect better each time from the previous one. But expectations form another person and to realise them that they don’t fit into your perception of perfect, is very wrong. To save from this we tend to numb ourselves and behave as what is expected from us.

       I usually run away from people who makes me remember how wrong I am, always, no matter what the situation is. I have tried to pull all my confidence and positivity and to face them all but nothing works when they dominate. I just don’t like fighting to something that I don’t belong with. I let it go as it is.

      We don’t forgive, we don’t forget,expect us. 

                                – expectations 

SCHOOL  – 1

It was pretty  difficult  for  me to get  used  to after  every  time I  changed a school. In all I  changed  three  schools. First  when  I was in Mumbai , from Jr. Kindergarten to Sr. Kindergarten, after  that when  i moved to  Kalyan I was in a  first grade, then again  I changed the school when  I was in sixth  grade.

The first time I went to school after I moved to Kalyan was  Model  English High School. It was  not  a  nice  school, it was pretty  old one though . Starting months  were  pretty  tough  for me, first  of all it was  really  far away from where I used to live, like whole 30 minutes walk and second as I was a new  student I was  bullied . Yeah  for a whole month I was  bullied. And the guys used only  one  trick  on me. As in the break time  every one  rushes to restroom,so  these 3 guys  used to  get themselves soaked  up in water and go running  in the classroom  and complain  the teacher about  me. And as i said  it was not a pretty school, i used to get beat  up  and scolded. These went  for a  whole  month. Later on the teacher came  to know  about my innocence, yeah, “my innocence” and punished  those  guys  and complained there  parents about the situation . Later on I  got used to the school , the environment, the guys, there was a  kind of mischief   in the air of  the school  I  was  caught  fighting  several  times , and copying , taking  cheats  in exam and  yes!  Eating  lunch box many times and many more  stuff . This was even affecting  my studies, if i remember  properly i was so dumb  at  that  time I  just  cannot  think  myself in that position again . There was a incident i remember, is was our unit text exam when i was in 5th grade. As i said earlier i was caught cheating in exam, so i had a small copy of a answer for cheating in exam, i was a bit late for exam so carried the copy in my hand and while going to my classroom for my very good luck i got stumbled to a Sir,and the copy of answer fell down from my hand and the  sir saw me. It scared the shit out of me, i somehow managed to get away from the sir as there was crowd of students in the corridor, and for my further good luck the same sir was appointed at the same classroom in which i was alloted. And what happened next i got beat up,punished by standing on the chair with my hands up for half an hour while everyone was writing exam, then after half hour the sir allowed me to write the exam. So I was in  my fifth  grade and My  brother  was  in tenth grade. As it was his last year in the school, my mom decided  to  change  my school. She knew  that if I stay  at that  school any longer I am  gonna  get spoiled as hell , cause  as my brother’s batch was the  senior most batch and they crossed  all the limits of vexation.   We didn’t  know  what they did  but  they  were  punished  by the principle in front  of the whole school, and immediately  parents  of all the students  were  called  up. And at that day  mom  decided  to  change my school. I thought  she was just  kidding with me. Then  i didn’t  think  about it much  really  enjoyed my  summer  vacation  and  one day my  mom  took me  to the  clothing  store  where they  sell  school uniforms,   I was  generally  a healthy  and chubby  guy I just thought I am  gonna  get a new pair of  uniforms. And then  my mother started seeing  uniforms  for that other  school  and that moment  I realized I was done  with  my old school  I was so sad  thinking  that  i didn’t  even  got to tell my friends about  this  they will  be just  waiting  for me  next year  in the school .  I was pretty nervous. I am the kind of guy  when  there  is a awkward  scene  going  on while  watching  TV  I  just change the channel , i just can’t  withstand  the unusual  nervousness. So again changing  school, by surprise I would say was a thing  for me to  get nervous and sad about. So yeah. 

First blog post

THIS IS ME + THIS IS MY BLOG. 

Hi guys  its Ashwin  here.

I am from  a small  outskirt of Mumbai that is Kalyan. 

I was  born  in   Mumbai then my family  moved  to kalyan.

 My family consists of my parents, my older brother, my older  sister and me. 

I love  cooking  food. I am  going  to pursue  my further education in Hotel Management. 

I cook for my friends, family and relatives. 

I like reading books. 

I like  being  different. 

I am an atheist. 

I am a karma believer.” You get what you  sow “. 

I think humanity is the best  religion. I used to believe things i couldn’t understand. 

I believe at the end of the day its you who matters the most.

My blog is the story how I made and I will make myself.